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Quantum - yes, hurt/pain/distress pretty much synonyms to me.
The reason I ask is because I’m increasingly of the opinion that there’s some pain, hurt and distress that it’s totally appropriate to feel. Of course, the overall idea is to live a full and rich life while minimising one’s exposure to hurt, but…
…are we talking short and long term, here? I mean, learning to discipline myself when growing out of bad old habits can hurt. In that instance I’d welcome pain in the short term for what I’d get out of it long term.
…is it inappropriate to feel guilt when I’ve unnecessarily hurt someone I love? Or even someone I don’t feel love for? Is it wrong to feel bad when you realise you’ve done something that you think is bad?
…is it alright to avoid pain when something horribly unexpected happens, like a bereavement? Some people emotionally lock down and carry it with them for years because they want to avoid the pain at the time.
…is it necessarily wrong to take a hit, feel like shit, accept it and roll with it, knowing that you’re designed to heal and that you’ll bounce back pretty quick?
Life can occasionally be pretty fucking difficult, and sometimes our automatic defences and coping strategies make it more so. While it’s true that life can generally be a lot easier and happier than a lot of people make it (by making good decisions, planning ahead, not opening yourself to unnecessary risk and using a few change techniques from time to time), I reckon it’s also true that there’s a legitimate amount of pain that it’s ok to feel.
In a way all pain is ok to feel, because the best way to deal with emotions is to accept them and allow them to blow through you, knowing that something else will soon come to take its place. Probably the worst thing you can do is to instantly attempt to take control of them, repress them or try to magic them away just because they make you feel bad.
I’m aware this point of view may be unfashionable. Especially if you’re in a lot of pain, in which case I hope you make things as good in your life as you can. If it helps, I realised a lot of this when I was hurting badly. It seemed to help considerably, and I think I bounced back with a better handle on myself than I’d have had if I’d gone for the faster options.
Relevance to the thread? If you change your attitude to pain then you change your attitude to attack and defence, in that you might choose not to defend yourself. How might that change the situation? |
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