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barbequotes

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All Acting Regiment

11:01 / 19.09.05

I've just found this. I don't know if it's already here but it deserves to be:

I made a right prick of myself once on telly, on the Lowri Turner show of all things. They'd phoned up the shop where I was working (sci-fi shop) wanting people who were "pessimistic about the future", so I gave 'em loads of bullshit about how I'd been hoarding food for the Apocalypse and stuff. Bastards only went and wrote it all down, and there I was, having to explain all this stuff and remember what I'd said over the phone. "So what sort of food have you been hoarding, then?" "Umm... you know. Tins and stuff." Jesus, what a twat.

-Stoatie

Smoothly

17:46 / 19.09.05

Haus on (the subject of) cocaine:

Taking coke is basically saying that you don't mind if brown people live in fear and die in pain as long as you get to feel like a game-show host on a regular basis.

'Game-show host' is just so well judged.

Shrug: Butcher Boy

21:14 / 20.09.05

WOULD YOU LIKE A FRENCH FANCY?

Legba Rex in the Barbarian Book of Wisdom Thread. I'm still laughing....manically. It's begining to hurt. I've had to call the doctor.

Aertho

21:51 / 20.09.05

"French Fancy" - I didn't get that part. Is it a British thing?

Mourne Kransky

21:56 / 20.09.05

A British thing pretending to be a french patisserie treat. Something less barbarian would be hard to imagine, apart from a Hello Kitty dildo.

It's a cake thing.

Xoc:

Something less barbarian would be hard to imagine, apart from a Hello Kitty dildo.

Mordant Carnival
(prev. DRR... DRR... DRR...)

23:31 / 20.09.05

XOC, THOU FOULLEST WITCH!

That is not a "dildo," it is a neck massager, and as such I purchased it. Right well does it soothe the strained muscles I suffer from weilding my mighty broadsword.

Lord Morgue

16:05 / 21.09.05

Molatar is like the little pamphlet of instructions that was missing from the box when my folks got me from Ikea.

-Stoatie

8===>Q: alyn

04:57 / 22.09.05

Solitaire Rose's typos blow my mind:

pulp drmam boilerplate

I couldn't come up with that if I tried.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

06:30 / 22.09.05

I SO should not type when I have been working 16 hours days for a week.

I should type when I drink again.

8===>Q: alyn

06:55 / 22.09.05

I'm not being sarcastic, man. You're doing everything right.

Nuke Kids on the Bloc
(prev. The Freewheeling Penis)

14:50 / 23.09.05

It's well known that when you create an artificial intelligence, it's automatically EVIL. Unless you set $is_evil = 0; at the start of the program. So many dystopias could have been prevented if programmers would just remember this simple step.

fridgemagnet, with strong robot truth for us all.

All Acting Regiment

19:12 / 27.09.05

Our Lady:

There's a rundown of the likely candidates here, but with the kind of people Tory activists are, a small pine tree would be in with a chance just so long as it were anti-Europe.

Mirror

16:10 / 28.09.05

alas:

I can't say science doesn't involve or value aesthetics, because it does seem to value an elegant equation, a solution that is predictive and useful and as sharp as Occam's razor. Clean, modernist lines. A creator, under that aesthetic, is (arguably)--well--not elegant. It's odd, clunky, a little superfluous... Rococo?

Five stars.

Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns

18:39 / 28.09.05

Lord Morque:

I SWEAR, if one more smelly hippy deliberately waits until I've packed up their goods, THEN tells me "I won't have plastic- save the environment.", I'm going to take that bag down to the beach, use it to asphixiate a baby fur seal, put the fur seal in the bag and use it as a club to beat some rare seabirds to death, then finally I'm going to put it on my dick and rape a dolphin in its blowhole!

Then I'm going to dispose of it thoughtfully, because, you know, the environment.

Laugh? I nearly shat!

Smoothly

18:53 / 28.09.05

Shame you didn't. Sounds like Morgue could use a sibling to play with.

Lord Morgue

06:27 / 29.09.05

Guess I'll go and eat worms.

Lord Morgue

07:16 / 29.09.05

No, on second thoughts, go eat a turd, smoothly, you fuck.

A Haus of Minions

08:28 / 29.09.05

But what happened in those fateful forty-nine minutes? We can only guess.

bio k9

09:38 / 29.09.05

I'm guessing we don't really want to know.

I shall never tell.

Ok. Should I start with your head or your legs?

A Haus of Minions

11:40 / 29.09.05

That's monstrous, Smoothly. There's every possibility that he may at some point need his legs.

All Acting Regiment

11:44 / 29.09.05

The pair of you just have a French Fancy and shut the hell up, tiny dancers.

Lord Morgue

12:39 / 29.09.05

PPPPSSSSYYYYYCHHHOOOOO CCCCRRRRUUUSSSSHHHERRRRR!!!!!

Mist van der Rohe
(prev. Cletus Van Mist)

12:57 / 29.09.05

All that talk of French Fancies really piqued my interest. Sadly, Fortnum & Mason don´t seem to have any. Where can I get that fancy stuff?

Ariadne

13:00 / 29.09.05

Down your local Co-op. Mr Kipling's a man of the people.
I would really love a French Fancy right now. Takes me right back, it does - I used to think they were the best thing ever.

Mist van der Rohe
(prev. Cletus Van Mist)

13:06 / 29.09.05

Ah! Synchronicity! Just as your answer (thanks) came up, I found that Mr Kipling page while searching the net for the ff.

I hope he takes orders from abroad like F&M do!

Lord Morgue

13:34 / 29.09.05

SONIC BOO- hm? French fancy? To the Googlemobile!

No.

JOYCORE.

Nuke Kids on the Bloc
(prev. The Freewheeling Penis)

14:45 / 29.09.05

Stop raping the barbequote thread, you cunts.

paranoidwriter waves hello

14:53 / 29.09.05

Quantum's entire post, here:

"I'd love to feel that one day my genius would be recognised, but I feel that day was in 1997 and I missed it ... [etc] ..."

I know exactly how ze feels.

JohnArrrgggggg!!
(prev. John Odin)

14:55 / 29.09.05

I get the feeling Spidermans not really tying these days.

mondo a-go-go

17:00 / 29.09.05

My most recent two favourite Barbequotes actually came from off the board -- but it's still more on topic than most of the rest of this page!

"dressing like Adam Ant is probably not appropriate at this hidebound institution. Ridicule is nothing to be scared of, but a probationary period is."

"Thank goodness C17 Dutch Calvinists were not polyamorists or my life would be a great deal more complicated."

Since these were both expressed elsewhere, I'm not sure if I can attribute them to the right people without possibly giving away other online identities which they may wish not to be made public. Ah, such a dilemma...

Perfect Tommy

22:46 / 29.09.05

My favorite bit of a marvelous post from Boy in a Suitcase, from the Maladaptive?Magick thread:

Face down all the horror of this world. Look at it straight on and know you're culpable for it too. Then struggle to make a difference, knowing that all bets are off and, you know what, even when we act with the best intentions we can still cause untold misery, and then decide to do it anyway, just fucking cause. Take responsibility for your fucking existence till you're dead and know that it probably meant nothing at all, but that you're going to do your best, cause what the fuck else are we for?

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