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Misreadings

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praying mantis

20:28 / 17.12.03

there's a new bar in my hometown, well actually it's just renamed. when i was visiting, i swear i thought it was called "HITLERS." it's actually called "HITTERS," but something about the font makes it look like hitlers. it's not just me, it happened to my sister, too! now we call it hitlers.

Vincennes: Bringing Sassy Back

20:41 / 17.12.03

Last night, I thought I saw an advert for Stalker Pensions, rather than Stakeholder. I have no idea how this is supposed to work ("Have you been following, calling or otherwise harassing another human being for over ten years? If so you could be eligible for the substantial benefits of our Stalker Pension. Make that restraining order pay - Speak to an advisor from our office.")

Saveloy

16:38 / 19.12.03

I misread this:

An Adventure on Eros
by J Harvey Haggard

as "An Adventure on Two Eggs", which sounds less like a romantic sci-fi adventure and more like a rugged chap's sort of yarn; a post-breakfast romp in a chunky woollen jumper.

Again, you can see what made the error possible, with the double 'g' in Haggard making a short leap up and into the middle of Eros, just above. The illustration is pretty egg-esque, too, in a sperm and eggs kinda way. No idea where the 'two' came from though.

Btw - It's very important that everyone goes and has a look at the rest of the Frank R Paul Gallery. Amazing stuff.

gingerbop

19:22 / 07.02.04

Bed head:
"I mean, there are plenty of big breasts patrolling Barbelith,"
Oh. Beasts you say? Whoops.

gingerbop

21:32 / 06.03.04

Praying Mantis (in How Will You Remember These Craazzy Times thread):
legwarmers/tube socks
worrying about reproductive tights

Whisky Priestess

01:31 / 07.03.04

As far as I'm concerned, marzipan-smelling explosive Semtex will always be Sextax.

Olulabelle

21:29 / 07.03.04

For ages this evening I was following a van which had the logo MAN Meat on the back.

'A van full of Man Meat?' I thought. 'How very lovely indeed.'

Only it wasn't. It was actually M&N Meat.

Which is infinitely less exciting.

Olulabelle

01:31 / 08.04.04

Is it just me that does this lately?

Stoatie, in the Ladies & Gentlemen thread, in Policy: imaginary Cossacks.

Me? I read it as: imaginary Cocksacks.

Nice.

Tell me yr a pingle meece?

11:08 / 08.04.04

Parked outside Boots the other day there was a van with "Professional Shoplifters" written on the side. Oddly, when I looked again, someone had quickly changed it to say "Shopfitters". Hmmm...

bjacques

13:04 / 08.04.04

Hmm, I was at dinner with friends of my girlfriend who were talking about Passover (they're Jewish but mostly non-observant) and about a relative who was a kosher butcher. I mentioned a book, "Prodigal Summer" by Barbara Kingsolver, in which a woman inherits a farm and makes it profitable by raising lambs and slaughtering them halal to sell to Arabs for Eid al-Fitr. Speaking too quickly and being fuzzy on the pronunciation, it came out as...

...anyway, it's Eid al-Adha, the *other* big feast in Islam. Eid al-Fitr celebrates the end of Ramadan.

Er...

I also brought up Chabad (from the Mitzvah Tank thread), because someone here in Amsterdam was approached by them.

gingerbop

17:04 / 20.04.05

From Art & Design forum, "Doctor Who Monsters"

For some reason,I took 'Monsters' to be a verb, and thought it might be a thread of Harold Shipman type stories,and about other doctors who monster.

Who Is Grumpy-Pants, Anyway?
(prev. Who Invited Grumpy-Pants?)

17:12 / 20.04.05

I recently read the headline 'Howard highlights immigration not problem' and I thought "Bloody hell, the evil bastard's finally admitted all his lies." Then I realised it said 'Immigration riot problem' and it was the same old nasty scare-mongering and suddenly the knife was in my hand and there was blood everywhere, officer.

Saveloy

18:21 / 20.04.05

Earlier today, reading timetable of events at work:

Early May: mass execution of students

Thinks: "Holy...! Ah, exclusion..."

Shrug: Butcher Boy

20:09 / 21.04.05

I misread sourceforge as scroungeforce which incidentally I much prefer the sound of. conjures up images of superhuman scavengers perhaps

Papess

20:15 / 21.04.05

I keep reading the tittle of this thread as Misgivings, even though I can actually see that it is not even close to the title.

charrellz

20:19 / 27.04.05

This morning I saw a truck for Atmos Energy. I haven't slept in a few days, so I read it as Atmos Clergy. I envisoned a truck full of a mobil task force of guys like this. Or maybe just these guys.

Bed Head

21:48 / 27.04.05

So, mishearings are okay in this thread too? After all, we’re none of us getting any younger*...

Only, ‘we’ve got an hour for lunch’ became ‘we’ve got an owl for lunch’ for me today. Which caused me to pull a face like a cartoon, so I’m told. Goggle eyes, jaw hitting ground, that kind of thing.

(* by the way, found this: coo! how young they all look!)

Stoatie. Stoatie? STOATIE.
(prev. Stoatie's power level is >9000)

21:53 / 27.04.05

BH, if mishearings are that funny, I guess they HAVE to be allowed. I'm still chuckling as I type.

Saveloy

16:50 / 15.06.05

Thanks for the reminder, Stoatie!

From the BBC news site earlier today:

Soldier Admits Killing Spider

It was one of those quick glance jobs, and I can't for the life of me remember what it should have been instead of spider. But it's specifically the 'admitting' bit of it that makes it funny for me.

Cailín

18:18 / 15.06.05

Um, the headline was "Soldier admits killing passenger." I'm terribly curious to know what sort of crossed wiring turns "passenger" into "spider."

Triplets
(prev. I AM THE DARK! I AM THE NIGHT!)

22:51 / 15.06.05

... ah, misty nostalgia clouds my dream(cast)y eyes as I remember with EXTREME fondness my dreamcast fishing rod peripheral that could be used to ETERNAL

Which I read as "EXTREME INTERNAL" obviously. Bit worrying that the whole topic was about gaming controllers in general and rods in specific.

Who Is Grumpy-Pants, Anyway?
(prev. Who Invited Grumpy-Pants?)

13:00 / 10.10.05

It said: 'Irons returning to stage after 20 years'
I read: 'Irons returning to storage after 20 years'
I thought 'Good riddance, pack him away in polystyrene!'

I also read a recent headline as 'Accursed Boy George returns to London'.

All Acting Regiment

13:11 / 10.10.05

Um, the headline was "Soldier admits killing passenger." I'm terribly curious to know what sort of crossed wiring turns "passenger" into "spider."

I'm on it.

Ariadne

13:20 / 10.10.05

I misread this from fridgemagnet in the smoking thread:
stoatie: it'll be like going to the loo. You either take your shit with you or you trust the locals.

I thought - well, I just sat bewildered for a moment until I realsied 'shit' was referring to, like, bags and coats and whatever.

pointless & uncalled for

13:39 / 10.10.05

From the Headshop, Religous Syncretism came out as Religous Syncretinism.

I imagined a bunch of wild-eyed god-botherers cloning idiots which would worry me if they managed to get their hands on Bush.

Vincennes: Bringing Sassy Back

13:45 / 11.10.05

US Declares War on Paint.

I don't know how that one happened.

COG

16:11 / 11.10.05

I always read Gaza as Gazza. e.g. Gazza erupts in violence and too many others to mention. Both having capital letters may have something to do with it, and also I think the Ceefax fonts are conducive to this kind of thing.

Who Is Grumpy-Pants, Anyway?
(prev. Who Invited Grumpy-Pants?)

16:59 / 11.10.05

I dread to think what flashes through your head when you read 'Gaza Strip'...

Secret Bat-Fairies
(prev. Smith & Papers)

06:51 / 17.10.05

Mario, in the Marvel Surgery:
I don't know how far you've gotten, but the only major continuity bit in the entire story is the identity of the "White Whale". Now, I've spoken with a friend of mine who is very familiar with the relevant organization, and while we can't say for certain that it fits in continuity, it's at least plausible.

I read it as "White Male," and got a very weird idea of what the story was.

Mon Oncle Ignatius

11:12 / 17.10.05

On the bus yesterday I misread a fragment of a British Museum shopping bag blurb ("Illuminating World Cultures") as "Irritating World Culture" - which would seem to be the job of the BM sometimes (cf. the Elgin/Parthenon Marbles)

Saveloy

12:02 / 17.10.05

From Freecycle, the giving-stuff-away email list:

"Also I have a microwave oven, in good working order, made by a swan."

Several swans using their combined talents and resources to make a microwave would be impressive, but for *a* swan to do it alone is just incredible!

pointless & uncalled for

12:13 / 17.10.05

I know, those master craftswans are quite impressive. I once watched one inlay gold filigree into a dutch end table for the Sultana of Brunei. So beautiful it bought me to tears.

Saveloy

11:30 / 20.10.05

From a BBC page about the Turner Prize nominees - I'll paste the actual text and let you guess how I misread it:

"In his installations, Almond explores themes of love and memory by featuring oversized clocks,"

Loomis

12:39 / 20.10.05

haha! I thought at first that it said "explodes".

Jub

14:57 / 20.10.05

"In his installations, Almond explores themes of love and memory by featuring oversized clocks,"

oversized docks?

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