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Underground > Games & Gameplay >

Games That Kick Your Ass

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05:42 / 11.12.05

So, what is a game that kicks your ass? How does it kick your ass? And after all of that ass kickery, why do you keep playing?

I just bought Ninja Gaiden Black today, and it is one of the hardest games I have ever played. It's fun, though. I got beat down several times by the first boss, and that nunchaku mother fucker ate it pretty hard when I finally sworded his ass. Then we sat down and meditated together. It was a pretty heartfelt moment.

This game gives me a compulsion to my already obsessive nature to keep playing and to kill everyone who isn't me. I just gotta' persevere.

Now, your time to share.

All Acting Regiment

06:41 / 11.12.05

Hell, yeah! That asshole Crow was giving me some real poop! Yeah, but then I got the jeep and whooped his ass! Yeah!

Phex: Dorset Doom

09:00 / 11.12.05

Jeez, Ninja bloody Gaiden. I'm still not past Mr. Nunchuck Guy, which I assume is his real name, and even though I love what little of the game I've played so far, I'm really not inclined to continue. Is there something I'm not doing or does the game just have an obscenely steep learning curve?

10:11 / 11.12.05

2 words.

R-Type

(maybe that's one and a half). I could never get anywhere. Sigh.

13:03 / 11.12.05

Ah, Ninja Gaiden.

Basically: if you learn the system, it becomes easier. It took me half an hour of attempts on Murai alone when I bought it. Now, even out of practice, I can nail him in about two-three minutes, first time round.

The thing with Murai is blocking. Murai will completely punish you if you go into a big long string of attacks. You're not looking to go into a combo, here; XXYY is going to get you hurt. What you need to do is roll in under his guard, strike with X a few times, and the MOMENT he blocks (or before, you'll soon know when that'll be), you need to roll away from his reach. Jumping attacks will also get you punished, incidentally.

It's just a case of playing cagey, going careful, and not overstretching yourself. Once you see him block stuff, if you don't get out of there, he'll whoop you.

As bosses in the game go, he's about average. Some are easier, most are harder. The Level 2 boss is a pretty high spike, but again, once you know the system, it's quite easy.

So some more tips: rolling cancels into jumps. A-L-A-L-A-L-(etc) is a very fast way to avoid anything, and save you the standing-up lag. Get used to the charged attack - charging Y in mid air means you'll be ready to go the moment you land, iirc. You're invulnerable whilst you use the charge attack (powered up with mana or not), and that's a useful thing against the second boss.

Stay away from the firewheel ninpo, and get the fireball ninpo asap, it's worth it.

Weapons: get what you can, upgrade the sword asap, but the nunchucks help a little - and the flails help a lot. I'm not keen on the heavy weapons (Dabilharo, Warhammer), and I'm not sure you'll be.

Remember to recenter the camera!

17:19 / 11.12.05

Street Fighter 2 on the Snes, Sagat is and always will be, a twat. Tiger, tiger, tiger, Tiger Uppercut, fuck off. Thanks to him I had a hole in my bedroom door.

17:58 / 11.12.05

R-type indeed. In all my years of playing the arcade version (now a rom) I've only made it to the 5th level once. You have to go for that perfect game since you need the upgrades and lives to compete at all. Beyond all things R-type, old-school scrolling shooters do require a lot of observation and patience to get anywhere. Ikaruga or Radiant Silvergun anyone?

Ghouls n' Ghosts (Ghost n' Goblins) deserves a mention. There's so much to contend with while having such a slight margin of error.

I've still never finished Shinobi for PS2 and some experience with Contra: Shattered Solider seemed to confirm that that game was quite demanding. Maybe another roll in the hay over the holidays?

The Paschal Lamb

19:25 / 11.12.05

Hmm R-Type, yes, did make some headway with that though.

Einhander, no.

Don't think I even completed level 5. Gave up and traded it in for a RPG or something.

22:35 / 11.12.05

Ikaruga is probably the hardest game I've ever played, I've had it for a few years now and have only reached the fourth level a handful of times, only to very quickly be completely murdered. Nowadays I only pull it out to show someone who hasn't seen it; their response is usually something like "Jesus, this is terrifying."

00:19 / 12.12.05

Ikaruga, though, is fundamentally a memory-test. It can be learned. To that end, whlist it is definitely difficult, given long enough time, practice will make perfect. By contrast, games such as Ninja Gaiden and Devil May Cry 3 require the player to adapt a little more to beat their difficulty level. Even in the realm of shmups, many avoid memory tests - bullet-hell games like Psyvariar, etc, fit this pattern a little more than R-Type, Ikaruga, Radiant Silvergun. IMVHO, of course.

00:48 / 12.12.05

Yeah - Ikaruga's always been the source of quite a bit of controversy in the shmupping community. The main problem is one of definition - is it a shmup, or is it a puzzle game disguised as a shmup?

As far as I'm concerned, it's the latter. It's clear when you watch high score replay vids that there's one precise path through each level that you *have* to follow if you want to do well. Black and white bullet patterns are so precisely designed that there's no way its developers could have ever wanted it to be played any other way. All shmups rely on memorisation to some extent, but that one takes it to an extreme and ridiculous level. In others, you're relatively free to memorise your own, *personal* route through. In Ikaruga, you have to learn the route as dictated by the level designers.

Semiotic Robotic

01:42 / 12.12.05

Startropics. For the life of me, I can't get through it after years of stops, retries, restarts, and ankles sore from punching television screens. It shouldn't be a difficult game, should it? The answer is "NO!" Yet for some reason, my thumbs fail me when that cart enters my NES.

Our Lady Drinks Your Milkshake

12:27 / 12.12.05

Dungeon Keeper 2. There's a level about halfway through the game where you're at the bottom and another Keeper is at the top. He's crap. It's not so difficult to get to him, what you have to do is get to him before two lots of heroes attack. One lot will go for you and are easy to beat, but the other lot will go for the other Keeper and are tougher. You had to be the one that killed the other Keeper and I could never manage to do it all. Then there was the 'DKII crashes Windows XP' issue.

Stoatie. Stoatie? STOATIE.
(prev. Stoatie's power level is >9000)

13:08 / 12.12.05

I know HOW to kill the boss at the end of Hell in Doom 3 on the Xbox- you take out the Seekers then fire rockets at his weak spot- I just can't for the life of me do it.

If anyone wants to come round and kill him for me so I can carry on with the game, I'll buy them beer.

02:14 / 13.12.05

I could probably do it for you, Stoatie. But you'll have to pay for the travel expenses, along with the beer.

Phex: Dorset Doom

22:25 / 13.12.05

Wait- take out the seekers then hit the weak spot? That's a boss, but it's not the boss. You'll get your ass kicked by Sarge a lot too, but, if you're anything like me, the Cyberdemon at the very end will present no problems.

Ta for the Gaiden advice Paleface

01:01 / 15.12.05

Mm. Yes. Ikaruga, I had on the GC when my US GC still worked, and it was always more like ballet than an actual game as such. There are quite a few games like that though - Mario Karts for instance has always relied on you knowing the courses, knowing when to start your power slide. It's just that Ikaruga takes that to the logical extreme. You can get through the first couple of levels on reflexes but after that, to survive you need to memorise the patterns of everything.

It's pretty when you die though.

02:00 / 15.12.05

That's a really good description of its main failing, and why it's so much less successful and enjoyable than games like Psyvariar Revision.

You can blast through Psy and see the credits without too much trouble after a few attempts. The real challenge comes when you try and master it - playing for score and trying to open up the harder, more points-drenched branching levels - at which point it becomes just as difficult (and, yeah, balletic) as Treasure's game. It works like a kind of adaptive difficulty, only with the player making the decision as to how hard the game becomes hirself. It means that anyone can appreciate it and feel some level of competence.

Ikaruga, in comparison, just makes you feel worthless unless you're prepared to dedicate months to it. It's another example of how restrictive a game it is.

Juan Gone
(prev. Jake, Knight Of Kennett Square)

20:42 / 31.03.06

Colonel Volgin in Metal Gear 3 has put a bug up my ass for the past week or so. I need to beat the bastard non-lethally so I can get a sweet uniform, but the time limit... sweet Jesus, the time limit!!! If I try to rush it he electrocutes me when I try to throw him, and if I take it slow, I can avoid damage, but the timer always expires. Gah!

Dance to the Beat
(prev. Better Be Ready)

21:09 / 31.03.06

The old Nintendo Ninja Gaiden games.

And the original Metroid. That was though too.

thank god for cheat codes

21:15 / 31.03.06

Ah, Metal Gear. My favorite franchise. It has some of the best boss battles ever concieved by humans. I'm playing through MGS3: Subsistence right now, as well. Damn it's good. And damn it can be hard.

I think I'd rather have my ass kicked in a Metal Gear game than in any other.

I've heard God Of War has some serious kicking-of-the-ass, too.

23:25 / 01.04.06

I don't really have a problem with games nowadays, because I cheat and use strategy guides. But Lord, did those old Nintendo games kick my ass! It took me 8 freakin' years to beat Super Mario Bros! And there's a list of games I never could finish: Metroid, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, Adventure Island, 1942 etc...

All Acting Regiment

16:29 / 02.04.06

Solitaire. Sigh.

Tuna Ghost will work for dope

10:06 / 12.04.06

2 words.

R-Type

I am quite confident that no one living or dead can ever beat any version of R-type on "difficult". I've seen the last levels but only with a cheat.

Sweet music, though.

Right now Rengoku: Tower of Purgatory is kicking my ass. I went from unstoppable killing machine/death delivering android to freakin' C-3PO. Guh.

20:38 / 12.04.06

Despite having zipped through Prince of Persia: the Sands of Time, I'm having so much difficulty with the Two Thrones. I just can't get past this one point, and what makes it worse is that I made it once but then I had to go out before I could get to the next save point. It's really pissing me off.

22:48 / 12.04.06

What part are you stuck on, Phox? I ended up in a couple of different situations like that too.

Stoatie. Stoatie? STOATIE.
(prev. Stoatie's power level is >9000)

14:50 / 13.04.06

I'm stuck right at the end of Half Life 2- I can't get up inside the chamber on the moving platforms.

Jenna Elfman's Hollywood Haus
(prev. West Baltimore Hausing Project)

16:35 / 13.04.06

Stoat: Explain further. Where exactly are you?

17:04 / 13.04.06

Why not just use a walkthrough, Stoatie? There are plenty out there.

20:08 / 13.04.06

Dakota: It's quite early on, just before you get the first chariot ride. You're playing as the dark Prince and you have to pull off a wall run, followed by a chain swing before grabbing a ledge. However instead of grabbing the ledge each time I end up doing a jump off the wall and snuff it. It should be really easy, but for some reason I just can't nail it.

Stoatie. Stoatie? STOATIE.
(prev. Stoatie's power level is >9000)

20:20 / 13.04.06

I've zapped a bunch of people and cores with the Gravity Gun, then gone up on a rising sort of piston thing. Platforms in front of me are moving anti-clockwise, but every time I jump on one I fall to my death. I don't think I'm moving with them, which is weird.

The IGN walkthrough says this bit is "hard to describe" and that I shoujld just keep going upwards on moving platforms. WHich is a bit rubbish, really. I'll try another one, I reckon.

Shiny: The Countdown to Thirty

22:46 / 13.04.06

Spoilers for Fable in the body of this post.

I’ve played through what I believe to be the majority of Fable and built a character who is essentially a close combat monster – he hits things hard repeatedly and can take absurd amounts of damage, but as far as magic and aerial weapons go he is officially shit. I was actually playing Fable at the same time as a friend who had built a more versatile character and whenever we compared notes it seemed that I was having a much easier time of it, at every turn. However that all changed when it became necessary for me to fight Maze – the bastard was quite capable of blocking almost every single one of my potentially devastating blows, and slowly, slowly milling away with my health – still I persevered and got more strategic than the ‘chicken-chaser SMASH!’ technique I’d been using and started running away and then running back and getting one blow in from the side or behind and then running away again, which worked up to a point. However after beating Maze in two rounds he got smart and teleported himself to an enclosed space on a spiral staircase and this tactic was no longer possible. Try though I might it seems to be actually impossible for the character I’ve built to defeat the dratted wizard. I’m aware that what’s needed is for me to go back and build a more rounded character, however I fear I didn’t enjoy the game nearly enough the first time around to go and replay huge parts of it before even completing it and so it’s now mouldering away somewhere in my mess pile eternally unfinished, until such a time as I find some sort of cheat or mod online which will allow me to sidestep the dreadful unpleasantness of actually playing fair.

06:19 / 14.04.06

Phox, unfortunately the save on my most recent playthrough is past that part, but looking at the walkthrough on GameFaqs, it looks like you should jump to a hanging chain after extending the wall-run by swinging on the torch. So is there a chain hanging about?

01:17 / 15.04.06

I know I've come to the party late, but I wish people would stop going on about how hard Ninja Gaiden is. Sure, it ain't easy, but it's no harder than most of the games I was brought up with, and considerably easier than some.

For the record I love NG.

01:39 / 15.04.06

What gives NG a bad name is the sudden jump in difficulty at such an odd section of the game - you rip through the opening dojo without having to pause for breath, then come up against the first boss and receive a good, old-fashioned kicking. A number of kickings. Then you rip through the second level and get another bunch of kickings from the second boss.

But then, after that, it's relatively plain sailing - hell, when you get towards the end it becomes remarkable easy. I just think an awful lot of people hit a brick wall with the first or second boss and decide to throw in the towel there and then. It could - and, arguably, should - have been a less steep curve, without losing anything as a result. Those first two bosses *still* give me trouble even now, after I've completed the game a few times.

I suppose the thing to remember when comparing older games - and R-Type comes in here - with newer ones is that when we were kids, most of the stuff we were playing had been designed with the idea of making us part with as much money as possible by making us pay extra every time we died. Insert coin to continue. I don't know that purposefully skewing the balance so early on is as valid a method of ensuring longevity in something like NG (and I'm saying this as somebody who, much like yrself, loves the game).

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