Right I've got a(n entirely unrelated joke).

Stop reading if you've heard this one.

Three vampires go into a Transylvanian pub

The first Vampire goes up to the barman and asks for a pint of blood.
"Get to fuck! We don't serve blood" says the barman.

He opens the shutters, sunlight comes in and the vampire hisses and backs away.

The second vampire goes up and asks for a pint of blood too.
"Look, I told him and I'll tell you! We don't serve blood!"
He brings up a crucifix.

The vampire hisses and slinks off.

The third vampire goes up and asks for a pint of hot water.
The barman is confused.
"A pint of hot water? Are you sure you don't want a pint of blood like the other two?"

"No!" the vampire says, holding up a used tampon.

"I have teabags!!"

iamus

04:42 / 02.11.04

-Waits to be hit-

Grandma loves children
(prev. Old dear. Gin. Problems)

04:44 / 02.11.04

Mm. I feel closer to Julian than I do to most of my own family, and I wouldn't like to think that he'd allowed some of those, y'know, *bad ideas* to get too out of hand...

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

04:44 / 02.11.04

You forgot to say boom-TSCH! at the end. That's what makes jokes funny.

iamus

04:46 / 02.11.04

Did you hear about the scarecrow with the OBE?

He was outstanding in his field.

Boom-TSCH.

Grandma loves children
(prev. Old dear. Gin. Problems)

04:47 / 02.11.04

Sorry M, that was a reply to about two posts back.

The fact remains though, that you're going to have to spend an extra couple of months in purgatory for that gag.

Pretty funny though it was.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

04:51 / 02.11.04

Yay on the boom-TSCH. See, you're getting it now!

iamus

04:58 / 02.11.04

It is on that note that I commit myself to the final, enevitable, respect-destroying, yet many times forewarned sin.........(but this one's for you Stoatie)

An elephant and a pair of cymbals fall off a cliff.....

Boom-TSCH!

(I really need to work on this self-control thing. Somebody please jump in this comedy hole with me)

Keggers From The Crypt

04:59 / 02.11.04

check halloween thread

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

05:00 / 02.11.04

You'll be pleased to know I both laughed at the elephant/cymbals one and told it to a guy in the office. He smirked, but kind of despairingly. I liked it, though.

Papess

05:01 / 02.11.04

I have terrible delivery, so allow me to do mine visually...

great site.

iamus

05:03 / 02.11.04

Stoatie, Thank you. It usually garners one of those two reactions.

Lillith, that made me laugh. I'm going to have a look at that sight.

Keggers, you are one sexy motherfucker.

Grandma loves children
(prev. Old dear. Gin. Problems)

05:03 / 02.11.04

My favourite gag:

( With huge apologies if this is offensive. )

" Why were so many African-American soldiers killed in Vietnam ?

Because every time... "

Actually, thinking about it, it is a bit much.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

05:06 / 02.11.04

Seriously, everyone check the Halloween thread. I now feel like I've cheated on Steve... WITH MY MIND!!!

iamus

05:08 / 02.11.04

C'mon Alex. You can't build up and not deliver.

I won't get offended, but I can't speak for others.

PM if you have reservations.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

05:14 / 02.11.04

Oh, I thought he'd finished and I just didn't get it.

Papess

05:15 / 02.11.04

Heehee...me too Stoats!

iamus

05:16 / 02.11.04

Perhaps.

But if so, I didn't get it either.

Grandma loves children
(prev. Old dear. Gin. Problems)

05:19 / 02.11.04

" Because every time someone shouted 'Get down' all the guys started dancing. "

As I say, I'm very sorry.

But then having looked at the Halloween thread, I also feel ashamed about having had *thoughts* to do with someone other than Steve.

I was hoping I'd be a monogamous stalker in 2005, but it looks like it's not to be.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

05:21 / 02.11.04

[chuckle]

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

05:21 / 02.11.04

Actually, no, I retract that chuckle. You didn't say "boom-TSCH!".

Papess

05:23 / 02.11.04

Can I tell gay jokes? Gay friendly ones, that is? I am not sure if I am PC enough for Barbelith.

iamus

05:24 / 02.11.04

That made me larf. And it wasn't that bad.
Except for the boom-TSCH exclusion obviously, but as I can tell you, some lessons just have to be learned the hard way..

iamus

05:25 / 02.11.04

When it comes to humour, there shouldn't be such a thing as PC, as long as you don't mean any genuine disrespect.

Papess

05:28 / 02.11.04

Okay then...here goes! (I think this is an old one, though)

Q: "Why can't a lesbian wear make-up and go on a diet at the same time?"
A: "Because she can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face."

and for the boys...

Groom: "My little peach"
Groom: "My little plum"
Preacher: "I now pronounce you fruit salad"

There, I did it.

Papess

05:30 / 02.11.04

Oh and..

ba boom-TSCH

Keggers From The Crypt

05:30 / 02.11.04

What did one fly say to the other fly?

Your man is down.

Boom-Tsh!

iamus

05:31 / 02.11.04

-groan-

What do you call a policewoman with a shaved pussy?

Cuntstubble.

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