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Godawful adverts

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Fly Beezy (War Minister)

11:57 / 06.07.06

What do you do to pay the bills, velvetvandal?

velvetvandal

21:42 / 06.07.06

I work in a bookshop, while studying to eventually work as an educational psychologist.

I see where you're going with this - people in advertising only work in it to pay the bills, or at least some do. Fair enough, and all sympathy to them. But you can only use paying the bills as an excuse to get you so far if you work in an ethically dodgy profession.

Mordant Carnival

22:03 / 06.07.06

Surely it depends on what agency one worked for, what products one promoted and what tactics one employed? Sure, if you work for EvilCo Ltd. and your daily bread is earned by encouraging parents to feed their kids poisonous crap (such as 'fruit' drinks with a dose of Vitamin C floating helplessly amongst the additives to offset the lifetime of obesity and dental bleakitude) or deciding just which magazine will best increase cigarette sales amounst 18-23 year olds, then you deserve to have your balls in the grinder. But not all products or sales techniques are teh eval.

velvetvandal

23:00 / 06.07.06

This is true - it's possible to do things in an ethical way (and indeed my copy of the Ethical Shopping Guide contains an advert for an ethical advertising agency), and if people do that, fair play to 'em. But it seems the money in advertising, I guess, is in the ethically questionable jobs so, on balance, I don't like most of the advertising industry, but am willing to apologise to any ethical advertisers I may have offended.

Prnss gt rbbt s fck vwls

09:15 / 07.07.06

The insurance advert that ends "Because life changez", or some such blethers. Its starts off ending with an S, then they change it to a Z and change the font so you can definetly see they can't spell. Who thought this would make them more attractive, which bright spark thought "Hey, we'll make adverts like toilet grafitti to sell our pretentious wankery."?

I'm not a spelling fascist or anything, hey its an open-source language, but if it adds no aesthetic improvement and deepens no points what is the point?
I'm mostly annoyed by the little "TM" after the slogan, as if any other company woul be that desperate to use that tiny peice of anti-advertising.

14:27 / 11.07.06

Coke Zero. Allegedly being heavily marketed at chaps who are put off ordering a 'diet coke' because of feminine implications.

Thus an advert that muses about how great it would be to have 'Girlfriends - without a five year plan!' Wouldn't that be fantastic? Better yet, you could have a robo girlfriend without independent thought who responded to changes in your voice tone and body temperature! Or a girlfriend who only existed when you pushed a button! Because there's definitely something Stalinist about your intimate companion having her own life goals, chaps, eh?

Alongside 'Workmates - without work!' and 'Bras - without the fumbling!' may I suggest 'Mockery - without cease!' and 'The stocks - without a helmet!'. Or the immersion of all involved in a Tantalus-style lake of Coke Zero, only instead of it disapearing when they stoop to drink, they actually have to swallow the rank stuff.

velvetvandal

14:15 / 12.07.06

More on that pernicious piece of shit, the Frosties advert, by way of an examination of the lyrics:

'It's gonna taste gray-eight,
it's gonna taste gray-eight,
I can hear the sound of Frosties hittin' mah plate,
it's gonna taste gray-eight...'

WHOA WHOA WHOA, STOP THE MUSIC, STOP THE MUSIC! 'Hitting my plate'? Hitting my plate? What kind of fucking mentalist pours fucking Frosties onto a fucking PLATE?

Use a bowl, you gurning juvenile atrocity. A FUCKING BOWL.

tiny

03:10 / 14.07.06

Coke Zero. Allegedly being heavily marketed at chaps who are put off ordering a 'diet coke' because of feminine implications.

Of course, that's why they created Diet Coke in the first place - cause the existing diet soda (ie TAB) was 'too feminine.'

velvetvandal

08:57 / 14.07.06

So in ten years time, will they have to bring out another 'diet coke for men'? How bad will it get then - Cock Cola?

miss wonderstarr

09:21 / 14.07.06

In fact, the crowd of gurningly no-nonsense guys in Coke Zero's blissful world without women and all their complications (like Y The Last Man, reverso!) strike me suddenly as a grown-up version of the pied-pipering crowd who follow the Frosties boy. The same sense of a consumer army entranced by the product and its everyman representative.

Nuke Kids on the Bloc

12:30 / 14.07.06

Cock Cola?

And be seen drinking, by proxy, a cock? That's for gays. Dude.

Much more like Muscle Coke, or Testola, or Sterola, or Grrr! Coke! (for the monosyllabic man on the go!)

Our Lady Won't Do That Again

21:17 / 14.07.06

I've just seen the ad. I presume 'Coke Zero- The Drink for Rapists' was just pipped to the post then?

cube needs to get out more

09:52 / 17.07.06

In breaking news, Snopes confirm that Frosties boy has neither committed suicide nor is he a CGI reconstruction of a cancer victim. Rumours, huh, how strange are they?

Sniv

13:05 / 17.07.06

Has anyone seen the Thames water billboard ads around the London area? There a picture of that city hall building, the Gonad, or whatever it's called and it's filled with water with the fatcats floating about. The tag says "Our new pipes will save this much water every 12 hours" (might be 8 hours).

Uh, no you disingenuous water-wasting cunts, how about "Every 12 hours our pipes waste this much water. Sorry."? No? It makes me want to carry a big pen and deface every poster I see.

Oh, and that Coke ad is screamingly annoying. The ad-ho that thought of that needs a serious punch in the face and then be made to drink that sweetened piss-water until ze either burps up hir own spleen or gets dysentry and prolapses their anus from all of the gutwrenching and straining. Hey, here's one for the ad - "Low sugar drinks - without the deathly shits!"

Withiel: DALI'S ROTTWEILER

15:04 / 17.07.06

John - "ad-ho"?

Sniv

15:35 / 17.07.06

Ad, like advert, and ho like pimps'n'hos. On second thoughts though I think it's more true to call them ad-pimps rather than ad-hos. I hope I haven't offended anyone with this term, it certainly wasn't intended to sound sexist, but I realise now that it can be read as such. Sorry.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

19:45 / 17.07.06

That fucking phone advert with Another Girl, Another Planet on it. Not only one of the best-ever Nice Love Songs That Are Actually About Hard Drugs, but one of my favourite songs ever.

If they'd had mobiles back when the Only Ones were knocking about, Peter Perrett would almost certainly have swapped his for a couple of ten-bags.

Arkady Hodge

20:41 / 17.07.06

I really hate the Tesco adverts.
I hate the idea of celebrities that have been espescially selected for their britishness and alleged trustworthiness employing a brand of smugly superior wordy humour to try and tell me that I am an idiot for not already knowing that Tesco is the best deal in town.

I hate the idea that you can buy everything at tesco; car, mortgage, insurance, food (specially selected to have the correct aesthetic) delivered to your door, internet, a sweeping wave homogenisation crushing diversity to replace it with the bland white screen and matter of fact phrasing.
just like in the latest advert where Bob 'oskins illustrates the benifits of the tesco internet phone through the use of a map of britain, populated with tesco pricetags, zooming out to europe, the world, the solar system....
Jimmy Nail at the bridge of a metro-class Tesco starship.

E. Randy Dupre

00:46 / 18.07.06

I've become numb to the effects of all supermarket adverts after that Sainsbury's ad with Jamie Oliver, with a scripte that included the phrase "Sainsbury's seasonal asparagus".

It's a bit like asking Jonathon Ross to sing Rockin Robin. Only with a far more urgent need for waterproof clothing.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

01:20 / 18.07.06

Jamie Oliver is television's second most loathsome chef.

The Impoverished Llama

01:26 / 18.07.06

Second only to the overfiend Ramsay, yes?

At least he doesn't do any adverts. That I'm aware of.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

01:29 / 18.07.06

It's a good thing, really. It's better that he doesn't campaign AGAINST stuff. I'm a vegetarian, but you have no idea how hard it was last year not to gorge myself on Turkey fucking Twizzlers just on principle.

Mike Modular

03:32 / 18.07.06

At least (Ramsay) doesn't do any adverts

Oh, but he does. Witness the cringeworthy ad for a newspaper (I forget which one) in which he attempts to debate some hot topics with Jodie Kidd, displaying zero acting ability. He's also currently popping up (but thankfully not saying anything) in the Transport For London ad (the one that rips off Victor's holiday diary from The Rules Of Attraction).

Fly Beezy (War Minister)

12:00 / 18.07.06

Jamie Oliver in 2006 = the second least loathsome TV chef, unless Ainsley and Nigel etc. have been doing something for ver kids I'm not aware of.

But back to the hate - the thing that gets me about some of those Tesco ads is the way the voiceover woman does that "I'm laughing smugly to myself as I speak because what I'm saying is so witty!" thing while talking about fucking CAR INSURANCE. Gah.

Arkady Hodge

18:16 / 18.07.06

the voiceover woman does that "I'm laughing smugly to myself as I speak because what I'm saying is so witty!" thing while talking about fucking CAR INSURANCE. Gah.

and its not just any voice over lady. it's Cilla fucking Black.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

18:17 / 18.07.06

So who's the least loathsome, Fly? I'm interested.

Fly Beezy (War Minister)

18:41 / 18.07.06

Drink-sodden country butcher Hugh Fearnsly-Whittingdale.

Stoat-ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

18:49 / 18.07.06

Okay, I'll agree with you on that one. He always seems pleasantly confuzled.

Arkady Hodge

19:01 / 18.07.06

speaking of TV chefs- I hate that Fairy liquid advert that collects Ainsley Harriet, Gary Rhodes and Anthony Worrel-Thomson together, in a desperate attempt to grab what little celebrity is left to them.

Ganesh

21:59 / 18.07.06

Mmm - particularly when they refer in jocular fashion to Ainsley as "Ains".

The Natural Way

14:12 / 21.07.06

Okay now.

The FUCKING Range Rover ad. Why won't this horrible, early nineties ad-genre die? it's yet another one of those grab-yr-soul-by-the-horns-and-CONNECT!-DARE!-BELIEVE!-while-listening-to-what-sounds-like-instrumental music-via-Coldplay ads. "A place called Beyond"? FUCK YOU!. You're as bad as that Coke twat in the Observer Magazine piffling on about Coke as an ever-present component in the most meaningful areas of people lives, etc., or whatever.

Horrible.

Jub

13:04 / 25.07.06

Melanie Sykes:
"the things I do to hydrate my skin".

What - drink water? Fuckbag.

velvetvandal

22:38 / 25.07.06

That dodge ad for the car, where all the cute animals are saying how terrified they are by some piece-of-shit vehicle and the company-men are high-fiving and like 'yeah, we made animals cry!' Such wank. Every time I see that ad I want to wade in there with a baseball-bat like De Niro in The Untouchables and start screaming 'who's wetting their pants now, eh, you business-suited bastards? Who's wetting their pants noooooaaaaaaaoooooowwwwrrrrgh?

Ganesh

22:53 / 25.07.06

Melanie Sykes:
"the things I do to hydrate my skin".

What - drink water? Fuckbag.

Indeed.

(That one's been around a lonnng time.)

Jub

09:54 / 26.07.06

fair play - I even did a search for it! Once again someone else says something far more articulately than me.

She's still a fuckwit.

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