Barbelith Top Trumps
From Barbelith
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What's it all about?
Created by barbelith: drawn by Bedhead and then written by some particularly lovely barbelithers, you can find the original thread here (http://barbelith.com/topic/19571). Rules are...
No Hesitation, Repetition, or Deviation.
So far, we've got
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Anna DeLogardiere
Anna DeLogardiere by Iconoplast (http://barbelith.com/profile/774) STRENGTH - 6, +1 vs Mysogynists/+2 vs Capitalists/+3 vs Fascists MAX SPEED - Caffienated Saunter: 2MPH N.B. - MASS TRANSIT lets Anna move at 60 MPH for 2 turns, but her Fool Tolerance is halved as a result. FOOL TOLERANCE - 2,000 (Tolerance automatically granted to anyone carrying Marx) FUNK RATING - 68.25% Whether covering the couture houses for the IWW press or a gallery opening at the behest of ________, Anna's critiques make her nowhere unfeared. From her secret base in the Selfridge's shoe department, Anna commands a network of guerrilla fashoinistas via mimeographed orders through pneumatic tubes.
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Our Lady of the Flowers
Our Lady of the Flowers by Sean King (http://barbelith.com/profile/3354) STRENGTH - 7 and 9/13ths MAX SPEED - 17 kph, but only in circles. FOOL TOLERANCE - 2364 (8000 if said fools are edible) FUNK RATING - 95%. Seeing as she lives in a swamp, she's bound to smell a bit funky. Forty years ago, in the British town of Princefoot, lived a female mathematician working on the calculus of the Egyptian pyramids named Goose Mozzarella. She found a mathematical equation in her research which managed to work itself in a complete, self-sustaining circle. By reciting this ancient equation aloud, Miss Mozzarella formed a convergence in the countless reality membranes which hold all of the parallel universes, in effect combining of her alternate selves into a unique trans-dimensional entity. In a weird result of the transformation, the Lady is unable to leave the spot of her apotheosis, a swampland that known as "Flowers Pond". Many Princefoot citizens consider her as an oddity, while others see her as a source of wisdom and consult her before a major decision. As a being that has existed in all parallel universes, the Lady can scry into the various universes and know the results of any decision. This knowledge is also her most unsettling attribute. Using her hydroelectric arms (which she downloaded from a feudal universe where wars are fought with mechanical limbs powered by the pumping of human blood), she is known to grab anybody who comes near her and reveal what their lives would have been like in any of the parallel universes. How would you like to know how different your life would be if you had gone to college, or how good and kind a person your aborted son would have grown up to be?
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Sally Dammerung
Sally Dammerung by Qalyn (http://barbelith.com/profile/1072) STRENGTH - 1 MAX SPEED - 3 / Mach 8 (Flight) FOOL TOLERANCE - No one really knows FUNK RATING - %82 When the dogeys are doped-legged in the canyon, and the skies let out a hell of water, for whom do the cowpokes cry? Sally, that's who. When the men are home all day because the factory's closed down, and the kids are a-hollerin' and that goddamn Bill O'Reilly is all over the TV, on whom do the wives rely? Sally, that's who. If your credit's bad and your feet are sore, If your significant other is a fucking bore, Call on Sally Call on Sally She's good! She's your pally! She brings destruction unto the halls of Valhally! Call on Sally!
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Smoothly Weaving
Smoothly Weaving by Alex (http://barbelith.com/profile/3230) STRENGTH - 3.2 ( but he's working on it, he'll have you know ) MAX SPEED - 775 mph FOOL TOLERANCE - Low 6000's FUNK RATING - 62% Viewing the filthy city from his penthouse apartment, watching the cars go around and around, Smoothly Weaving occasionially deigns to leave his collection of rare exotic plants, vintage champagne and top drawer cigs in a bid to make sense of a meaningless world. This hurts him a bit, as he puts on the leathers, the shades and the beard, and wearily asks for the 'hog' from the basement, resigning himself to a couple of jars in The Intrepid Fox, but his committment to truth and justice is such that he's prepared to put up with any amount of re-listens of Silver Machine, if that means he saves lives. And so it goes on, night after night, as this lonely hero, in the strange neon wilderness that abutts Leicester Square, tears round the streets on his mission of mercy, hard rock blaring out the in-bike system. In a very real sense, business in the City, especially round Christmas, would cease to exist were it not for the efforts of Smoothly Weaving, but he does not judge, he just deals with the traffic, and the bouncers and so on, the aggrieved adult dancers, and he gets them back home, these future captains of industry, before retiring, round Four, to muse at length on the quite boring follies of modern existence, over a soothing couple of drinks. Because it's just, y'know. something to do.
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(Golden Age) Tannhauser
Golden Age Tannhauser by Grey Area (http://barbelith.com/profile/1034) STRENGTH - 5 (+0.67 for every person who has picked a fight with Golden Age Tannhauser in the last week) MAX SPEED - 600mph FOOL TOLERANCE - 1000 (Golden Age Tannhauser will tolerate fools as long as he finds them amusing. This tolerance can cease without warning, at which point subtract 173 tolerance points for every fool tolerated) FUNK RATING - 98% Golden Age Tannhauser is a collosus of intellect, a rapier of wit and a hammer of the board. Drawing on near limitless sources of knowledge, G.A.T. can argue coherently on any topic with the endurance of a prize stallion. G.A.T.'s wrath is best avoided, as he is quick to strike down those who think that a loud voice and repeated posting of the same argument is a way to win a discussion. G.A.T. knows how to use irony and (more importantly) can define it too.
Golden Age Tannhauser by A beautiful tunnel of ghosts (http://barbelith.com/profile/2369) STRENGTH – Mental Strength of 9 versus fools. MAX SPEED – Best expressed as the speed of thought over WPM. FOOL TOLERANCE – Due to his detached existence, Tannhauser has a Fool Tolerance of 0. FUNK RATING – Tannhauser feigns indifference to the opinions of others, but secretly enjoys a high rating amongst those who have passed through him into understanding. Golden Age Tannhauser, also called Tannhauser the Gate, reigns from exile as the Vagabond King of Reason, his throne usurped by the Pretender, Emotion. Of whimsical design and the finest Swiss craftsmanship, his pneumatic body is replaced whenever mental fatigue has exhausted its capacity for expression; both statesman and soldier, Tannhauser's peerless intellect grows with every blow struck against the Pretender’s forces, his deathless brain suspended in an ideoplasmic distillate from which his vast knowledge is drawn. His Philosopher's Eye possesses the power to transmute base deception into pure truth in those subjected to its merciless gaze; those unable to withstand its intensity are forced to confront their innermost fears as their ignorance is thrown into stark relief. Travelling incognito with his boon companion, his noble Pointer, Bertrand, with whom he debates the teachings of the Classics, Tannhauser wages his never-ending battle against the Pretender, having sworn to dispel the shadow of fear and ignorance from his kingdom, wherever it is cast.
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Mordant Carnival
Mordant Carnival by grant (http://barbelith.com/profile/213) STRENGTH - 3.5 MAX SPEED - 20mph/instantaneous (teleportation) FOOL TOLERANCE - 5,500 FUNK RATING - 76% Itinerant soothsayer and sorceress Mordant Carnival travels the world's byways and backroads in search of esoteric secrets. She is guarded constantly by two or more spirit allies, who warn her of danger and crack rude jokes in mysterious dialects. Because of her energetic nature, all attacks on MC using electricity or electronic devices are subtracted by half. She is capable of astral projection, teleportation, and her macabre musical devices can exert hypnotic control over anyone with a Fool Tolerance of 7,500 or more.
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Stoatie and Mono
Stoatie and Mono by Hieronymus Squash B'gosh (http://barbelith.com/profile/201) STRENGTH - 6 and 6 MAX SPEED - As fast as they need to be FOOL TOLERANCE - 6000 FUNK RATING - Off the charts The daredevil pair of Stoatie and Mono are known throughout the universe as the itinerant's Sonny and Cher. Riding atop the grouchy but trandimensional badger His Lordship Maximillian Stockbutton, The Beknighted Emissary to Her Highness Citronella of Cashmere (whom they trunatedly call Button), these patron saints of gypsy livin' are vigilant against thieves, tax collectors, schoolyard bullies and The Man. One need only invite them to the latest picture show from the highest spot in town to be offered their swashbuckling services. Tyrants to the people, beware!!
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Olulabelle
Olulabelle by Grey Area (http://barbelith.com/profile/1034) STRENGTH - 3 MAX SPEED - 741mph FOOL TOLERANCE - 4000 FUNK RATING - 65% Olulabelle is an organiser, a planner, a dreamer and baker of cakes. When she speaks, others listen. When she plans, others participate. And when she bakes, the heavens open up and choirs of angels sing their praises. She heals through compassion, dreams and love. Hedgehogs like to live in her garden.
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Suedehead
Suedey by Iconoplast (http://barbelith.com/profile/774) STRENGTH - 6 2/3 Special Attack:Aestheto-Ray Gun - Strength 8 vs Squares MAX SPEED - 88kph FOOL TOLERANCE - 5,500 FUNK RATING - 87% The best known of the Situationist Action Heros, the masked figure known only as The Suedehead was a byword for Art and Revolution, by any means necessary. The stray cats his Uncle took in were as close to siblings as the young Suedehead (nee SuedeBoy) had. After the operation, of course, the distributed nerve center of a feline cortex made reconnasance easy, but distraction easier. By day, Suedey found his directives by logging onto what he called the EtherWeb with the short-wave radio set installed in his uncle Terry's garden shed (a converted Andersen shelter). He claimed he could view pictures as ghostly green waveforms on his cathode ray oscilloscope. By night, the mod marauder and his aestheto-ray gun ("Click. Bang! Now you're art!") were unstoppable. The whispered promise that someone would be 'Hearing the meow,' warning them of a visit from The Suedehead and his phalanx of hungry kittens, was no idle threat in those tumultuous days.
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Jack Fear
Jack Fear by Sekhmet (http://barbelith.com/profile/2504) STRENGTH - unknown MAX SPEED - 25 mph (40 mph vapor form) Special: Teleportation, Invisibility, Incorporeal FOOL TOLERANCE - <1,000,000.35> FUNK RATING - Hendrix The spectre known to locals only as Jack Fear has terrorized Guadalajara for centuries. Generations of prattling children have been chastened to silence, sometimes to tears, by a stern warning that if they did not hush, the Fear would come in the night to take them away. When he is mentioned, many elders will cross themselves and spit over their left shoulders to ward off the Eye of Fear. Believed to be the restless spirit of a legendary bullfighter slain in single combat by the infamous Count de Armas, this apparition does not speak. It has been known to appear in many locations, particularly places of learning and government, to deliver an explosive sonic wave which can be deadly (lose all tapped mana, will save vs. 18 or lose 2 trumps). It is 25% more likely to appear if a debate has lasted more than 15 turns. The Fear's secondary attack is a stunning gaze delivered by the Eye of Fear (fortitude save vs. 15 or lose a turn). The Fear has occasionally been impersonated by the unscrupulous for their own aims, but such individuals meet with an invariably grisly fate, later being discovered disembowled and floating in the Presa de las Pintas...
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Deva
Deva by Liger Null (http://barbelith.com/profile/4249) STRENGTH - 9.5 x 8 (when acting as a single unit) MAX SPEED - 50 mph(when acting as a unit) FOOL TOLERANCE - (-1000) FUNK RATING - Super Fly TNT Deva escaped from a top-secret government-run home for "exceptional" orphans at the age of nine. Physically frail and prone to frequent allergy attacks, yet possessing a sharp wit and almost supernatural charisma, she moved quickly up the ranks of the Saint Simians, a youth gang operating out of the delapidated suburbs of the greater tri-state area. Eventually, Deva used her ill-aquired wealth and influence to form her own gang, the Liquorice Squad. They single-handedly anihilated the Saint Simians, all other gangs within a 500 mile radius, as well as any poor soul unlucky enough to incur Deva's wrath. Brutal yet precise, the Liquorice Squad are obedient to thier leader's every whim, and tales of their excesses are legion. With each retelling, Deva and her little friends gain more cult-hero status. There are some who say that the Liquorice Squad don't exist at all, that Deva is a one-woman operation, using her incredible powers of suggestion to create the illusion of an invincible army. This assumption is incorrect. I have witnessed first hand the Liquorice Squad in action. Those sick bastards ruthlessly murdered my grandparents ten years ago, right in front of my terrified six-year-old eyes. All for a rare blues record that my Grandmother refused to sell to them. Well, they're not going to get away with it this time! The Liquorice Squad's reign of terror is over! You see, I have a plan...
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