In 1995 the deceased James Dean appeared in a GAP print ad. The caption read, "James Dean wore Khakis." This campaign also included beat poet Jack Kerouac and countless other dead, rebellious luminaries. Soon the GAP ran rampant with their television ads - a barrage that seemed to include every modern subculture. "GAP SWINGS." "GAP ROCKS." "GAP SOUL." Etc. Each commercial contained a bevy of attractive, racially diverse children doing their particular little posturing and dancing. Strangely, these various style tribes were bereft of their identifying garments. They were all gloriously decked out in bland GAP refinery. Thus began the GAP's supervillianous campaign - an insidious plot to end diversity and herd the worlds' population into categories of marketability.

The 1950's were truly the beginning of the modern age as the media mastered their power in the blooming of American popular culture. They created teenagers, who eagerly slurped up the image constructs. These young people did not necessarily start wearing T-shirts on the outside because they had better things to do than iron a shirt, but because they wanted to be like Dean and Brando.

Marlon Brando and James Dean wore undershirts as outer garments. In the starched, buttoned down, tucked in world of the 1950's, this seemed to be a rebellious act. Mothers and fathers wanted their children to be clean cut, manicured... to present their best face to the world. Marlon and Dean had neither time nor mothers to iron their shirts (although they did have time to do their hair). Characters who were once peripheral and derided for their cultural divergence were suddenly glamorous for the very same reasons when ballooned to superhuman proportions on the drive-in screen.

Since those delightfully innocent times (sigh) the media has refined their hypnotic languages. They waste no time in identifying the power of signifiers, carefully manipulating them to represent the product that they are selling when in fact the two have nothing to do with each other. They strip the signifier of all depth. No other company has matched the skill and precision with which the GAP has employed to subjugate the population. They have succeeded to anesthetize the young peoples of America where countless teachers, parents, senators and televangelists have failed. Rather then becoming incensed over the appeal over the likes of James Dean, they embrace him.

The goal of the GAP is not to preserve family values for the sake of the moral status quo, but to have "everyone in leather." They want to "dress you up in my love." They employ the signifier, which implies individuality, to sell conformity. Conformity preserves the status quo and the GAP wants to be the uniformer of this status quo, not unlike those cute Chinese outfits that Chairman Mao was so fond of. As their campaign has marched forward they seem frighteningly to flaunt their intentions. No longer do the images ape subcultures: Instead we see a group of lovely fresh faced, multi-racial youths dressed identically with absent expressions singing in banal, monotone unison. The message insinuates that the GAP embraces all races and people. However diverse these nubile may seem, they terrifyingly remind one of the Stepford Wives. Perhaps when they dressed themselves in their khakis, T's and vests a microscopic needle penetrated their flesh and injected a GAP assimilation virus.

As this virus spreads, STARBUCKS encroaches like the Borg from Star Trek and assimilates previously distinctive community coffeehouses. Homes are tastefully, yet blandly decorated from PIER-1 or the POTTERY BARN. Reading material is purchased from the city-states of BARNES AND NOBLE. Subscription to Vanity Fair flares. Perhaps it is a tad melodramatic to believe a James Bond villain is orchestrating a conspiracy to enslave humanity. Perhaps there is no virus; no army of evil GAP clones consuming Moccachinos. But that hardly seems relevant... the results are the same. Resistance is Futile.

Ralph McGinnis

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